Dear dad,
It was last night I saw the postal bird,
on my way to the garden,
it is the garden where I air away pain.
I’ve lost it, dad.
I’ve lost it.
I fought this battle so hard,
So hard that my bones are bending
I’m losing it all,
You said you’d be my light in the night,
You said you’d be here to help me fight,
You said you’d watch me grow,
You told me to stay strong,
You said you loved me,
You said I’d have what to feed the birds
you said I could put all these eggs in your basket,
you said you’d walk with me through the fire.
But dad,
I’m feeling lost.
I watch myself fight this battle alone,
I’ve watched my tiny bones grow
They’ve grown into armor,
The armor that fight day in, day out,
My days are filled with tears,
Yes! I swim in tears of my fears
I’ve watched the sun shut at me on the battleground,
I’ve watched enemies storm my sanctuary,
I’ve watched them invade the walls
The wall where your promises used to stand.
Dear dad,
I’m losing it.
My fingers are fading,
the sun isn’t smiling anymore,
my shadow is slipping away like sand in a fist.
I need strength, dad.
I need a hand to fit into mine,
I need arms to wrap me in warmth
it’s getting cold,
so cold down my feet, dad.
I’m losing it.
Maybe it’s time
It’s time you let me see me,
It’s time you send the rain into my veins
It’s time you wake it before it stops pumping.
It’s time before I fall completely
I’m slowly drowning
Dad, I need help to break free from this cycle..
I can’t find myself anymore,
I’ve watched too many things die,
I can’t watch myself fade away..
Where you at dad?
I’m losing it, dad.
Forgive me, dad,
forgive me for growing up in this lifeless life,
forgive me for learning how to survive alone.
Forgive me, dad,
forgive me,
forgive me.
